The question no one seems to be asking about the rental bikes that have sprouted up around town: What about the craniums?
Your mom always told you to wear a helmet when riding a bike, and even though Dallas repealed its helmet ordinance, that doesn't make your frontal lobe any more crash-resistant.
The Mothers Against Cracked Skulls (MACS) is an advocacy group for families whose children have chipped teeth, broken noses and worse while riding without a helmet through the mean streets, and when they see a helmetless rental bike company with rogue capitalization usage, it spells death on two wheels.
MACS women, all wearing helmets, staged a protest outside City Hall this week. They question the judgment of a city that would allow thousands of bikes to be ridden willy-nilly without a helmet in sight. With sings that read "Mofo," "LimeHike" and "VPsych," these mothers weren't taking any prisoners.
"Would the city allow rental car companies to offer vehicles without seat belts?" asked MACS President Medula Frageelay via megaphone. "How about canoes without life jackets? I don't think so."
Last weekend, in an expressive display of gruesome performance art, the mothers wore pink body suits and covered themselves in translucent slime, crawling all over the sidewalks at White Rock Lake. The work was called "Don't Cry Over Spilt Brains."
Though it hasn't been confirmed, sources say that the elaborate protests are funded by Texxon Oil Company, who owns most of the gas stations in the area. The increased cycle usage cut into the profits of the company last year, but pressure by MACS could remediate revenue. Texxon did not respond to multiple attempts to contact them for this story.
MACS is haranguing the City Council in every district to make the rental bikes illegal unless they come with helmets, which would be a logistical nightmare for the companies and a hygiene disaster for the riders. They insist they are not anti-rental bike, but safety is their number one priority.
"Did you know the human head weighs eight pounds?" Frageelay said, quoting "Jerry Maguire." "We want to make sure all eight make it home safe and sound."