Capitalist Pig vs. Corrupt Union Pawn in East Dallas School Board Runoff

East Dallas politics are heating up with accusations and voting records being thrown around like political Molotov cocktails. 

A proxy war for Adam Smith and Karl Marx. 

A proxy war for Adam Smith and Karl Marx. 

Incumbent and capitalist pig Hal E. Burton is accusing his challenger and corrupt union pawn T. Minster of being in the bag of the evil teachers unions, which want teachers to take naps at their desks, put on a movie every day, and collect a solid paycheck and benefits all the while. Burton's campaign manager, Carnegie Vanderbilt, has accused Minster of being a no-nothing protectionist who wants to keep the unacceptable status quo, where lazy teachers corrupt students with liberal politics and can't be fired due to seniority rules. 

Meanwhile, Minster has put out a series of mailers connecting Burton with the evil capitalist forces of education reform, who want to use big data turn the schools back into factories for Walmart and Tyson Chicken. She is worried that public schools will lose their democratic roots and be run by CEOs that want teachers to be evaluated based on who can use the most corporate jargon. 

In a speech in front of the grungy, World-War II era building that houses the Dallas branch of the AFL-CIO, Minster made connections between Burton and the prison-education complex. "The folks who are funding my opponent also own for-profit prisons where the prisoners work for cents a day producing gas station tchotchkes. They have all the incentive in the world to make schools unbearable, pushing more students to the streets, where they will inevitably end up in prison, thus funding this deplorable cycle," she said. 

Burton, who made a campaign stop in front of the sleek headquarters of Dallas School Kid Project, an education reform think tank, countered with his own claims about his opponent. "Minster is beholden to forces who perpetuate the patronage system that has plagued this city for years. She says that teachers should be paid $2000 for each year they have been alive, whether or not they have taught anyone or even hit a student. She wants to use tax money to give expensive contracts to her family's catering company to provide school lunches for the district. Her cousin owns a fleet of buses that she wants to be our district's bus system."

The challenger claims that the incumbent has never set foot in a voting booth and would rather live in an anarcho-capitalist society where the market is the only rule, while the incumbent says that his opponent has written in "Chairman Mao" for the last 16 elections. 

The debate has divided political blocs, with teacher-friendly democrats being joined by Trump republicans who are suspicious of big business.  On the other side are reform-minded liberals and Chamber of Commerce republicans, who believe that corporate strategies, data, and competition are the answer to the education problem. 

With early voting this week and election day on Saturday, the race looks to be a close one. Voter turnout is expected to be robust, with each candidate hoping to secure dozens of votes on the way to victory.